If you have been metal detecting for any length of time, you must have met a spoiler, you know the kind of person (man or women they are both the same), they are the type of people whose sole purpose in life is to spoil your day out. They all have the same glint in their eyes as they stride towards you with that "I am a person of the land and I have more rights in the countryside than a mere city dweller." You stand there wishing you were somewhere else, because you know exactly what is coming, as it is always the same time and time again.

The opening gambit is always "Have you got permission to be on here?" or "What do you think you are doing?" And I say "Yes I do have permission to be here, and who might you be to be asking me if I have permission anyway?" very politely of course, which usually makes them splutter and wave their stick. Of course you don't know who you're speaking to, or which type of establishment they have escaped from. They rant and rage about how people are spoiling the countryside, totally ignoring the four dogs they have with them who are busy depositing their steaming piles of solid waste all over the place, the liquid waste usually ends up all over my foot for some reason. But in the face of the storm you must keep the smile stuck on your face and stand your ground, even if it is getting more difficult to hold a conversation now that one of the dogs is clamped onto your leg and is pumping away vigorously.

The more you try to shake off the dog, the more it gets excited and its eyes bulge and tongue lolls out of its foaming mouth. Then suddenly the Spoiler realises that you are not going to be intimidated (by them or their dog) into submission and probably have more right to be there than they have, so off they march, taking their reluctant dogs with them in the hope of finding someone else to torment.

If you haven't met a spoiler yet, believe me you will - so keep smiling...

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