A Very Windy Day

A couple of years ago my digging buddy Jim and I decided to have a run out in the car to find some new digging sites, it was mid-summer and all our usual sites where in full crop. So come lunch time we had had little success at finding a suitable detecting site, so we decided to call at a road side cafe for a nice cup of tea, a bite to eat and to take stock of things.

There was about a half dozen customers in the place and all was peaceful and relaxed, we ordered a couple of mugs of strong tea and took them to the nearest table to consider what kind of sarnie we would like to eat. When suddenly the door burst open and in charged a coach load of hungry day trippers. The chap in charge of the cafe, initially tried to cope with the onslaught of starving and thirsty customers, but was quickly losing the battle - MOTHER! he shouted in a loud voice over his shoulder through the open kitchen door behind him. Can you come and help me out for a moment - PLEEEEEASE?. The heaving crowd suddenly became hushed as they all began to peer over his shoulder at the distant sound of scraping carpet slippers began to slowly work towards the door.

Picture this, a little white haired old lady came gliding through the door wearing a brand new apron plus pencil and note pad, she stood there, all four foot six of her, in front of the mob, who had once again started baying their orders at the man and his mother, only it seemed louder now as there was two of them to go at. The terror on her face was a sight to behold, and through fear or just bad timing, she suddenly started to pass wind, and not just little raspberries, but full bodied baritones and one after the other - Boom, BOOM, BOOOOOM. It was very very loud for her size, and seemed to go on and on forever. The cafe and everyone in it fell silent once again as the sound of her wind instrument grew louder and louder, jaws dropped open and utensils clattered loudly onto the tiled floor.

I looked at Jim over the rim of my mug of tea and he looked back at me, food did not seem to be so important to us anymore, as we both took a deep breath and made a dive for the door and the sweet smell of oxygen.

We laughed our way across the car park and could still hear her performance continuing above the deafening silence of her audience. We climbed into the car with tears of laughter rolling down our faces and quickly drove away. I wonder if they ever did get served and more importantly did they enjoy eating their food?

I hope no one lit a cigarette...

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